totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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