Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
