my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
