I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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