I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nicole vs. Life
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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