My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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