Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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