I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
