i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
