That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
