i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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