I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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