I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
