Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize