Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
