someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
