Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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