i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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