fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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