What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
