i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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