brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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