nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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