K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
