were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
