My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he thought i was a dude.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
