He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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