Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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