He disabled his match.com account in front of me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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