Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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