She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
