Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
