just come out here and I will go home with you...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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