This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
