Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
