If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
