At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
