He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
