I wanna bring you to show and tell
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
