True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize