I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize