Jerry, you need to find god
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Naked. naked and bneed help.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize