it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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