I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
