I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
