I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
