Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
