There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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