She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
