That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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