We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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