areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize