I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
