He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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