Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize