Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
