Buhtt sex?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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