How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it penis luge time yet?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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