I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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