we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
