We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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