So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
