Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
