all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
