What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
