no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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