I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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