he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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