Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
