Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
