At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I will pee on everything he values.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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